Mer: No Russ, I can't... It would have been hard enough to see you with her before, why couldn't you just leave it alone?! I was sobbing uncontrollably, and I went back to the guest house, locking the door behind me. I packed up my things, and waited for Russ to either leave, or go to sleep, so I could leave without seeing him. I lay face down on the bed, my head in the pillow. I thought about how screwed up life was. I had lost my brother, my parents, my sister and my husband, and now I had lost my best friend. I cried so hard it hurt, and I fell asleep. I woke in darkness, called a cab, and left. I called Ell and Rudy from the cab, and told them that I would be out of commision for a while. I dropped my things off at home, and went out for a drink. I got there, and saw exactly what I hadn't wanted to see. Russ and Dionne'. There were too many people here, if I ran out now, who knows what I'd be reading in the paper tomorrow. I could feel that all too familiar darkness Russ had referred to; it was choking me. I took my seat, drank some, danced with someone, I guess I must have slept with him too, at least I woke up in bed with him. I went home, seemed nothing much could bring light back in my life anymore, nothing meant for me that is. I wrote ten albums worth of sad, sappy, poor me style love songs, and when my recording studio heard them, they told me that this was not what the people wanted to hear. It's all I've got. They made an album, and I secretly hoped that it would fail miserably so that I wouldn't be asked to work in the near future. No such luck. I couldn't back out of my contract, and so when the record sold out, they sent me on tour again. I would avoid Russ at every point of contact, I had heard that he and Dionne were getting married. I went to the wedding, not like I had a choice. I sat like a good little Mercedes while my baby sister and Russell got married, I sat at the bar during the reception, I saw Russ go outside alone, and after saying good night to Dionne' I went out after him. This was the last time I was going to see him, and I had to say goodbye.